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So often, I hear from people, “I wish my life could be that way” or “I can’t make my life that way.” Or maybe it’s some rendition of “I’m too busy I wish I could slow down.”

So many times, we miss that we choose what our life will be.

Yes, there are so many things that happen in life that we don’t choose. People die, the unexpected happens, bills arise. Life happens. But it is how we handle it and the choices we make that eventually define our lives.

We choose.

We choose to do the hard work to stay in the present moment. We choose when to spend or save. We choose what or when we eat. We choose where to spend our time. We choose. Many times, the choices are not easy. It’s not as simple as we wish it were. I may choose to eat healthily, and then it comes to a greater choice. What do I value more, eating healthy or eating with my family? Can I do both? Maybe not. I have to choose and make hard choices. Should I work 20, 40, or 60 hours a week? No matter what I choose, there are real implications for my family and myself. What choices are you making? Do your choices align with the desire you have for your life?

One of the most significant most impactful choices we make is to stay connected to the moment. Will I turn up the TV or YouTube Chanel and ignore my inner world. Will I sit in the quiet and drink a cup of tea? What rhythms will I make my normal?

Be present

                Today I want to challenge you to be present in the moment. To keep your mind on what is happening right here right now.  We often get bogged down in our to-do list or thinking about the past or the future. Yet, the reward for staying in the present is much greater than we may realize. However, it is not easy. It takes work and discipline. How do we learn to stay present? We do it. Over and over and over again, we notice when our minds wander and bring ourselves back to the present. What do you see? What do you hear? How do you feel? Are you in touch with your body? Can you notice your feet on the ground or your back against a chair? What physical things in this world can ground you and help you stay in the moment? What can you appreciate that is happening or around you right now?

Be thankful

                In all things, give thanks. In every moment, there is something for which to be thankful. In the hard moments, in the happy moments, in the moments you just wish would end, there is always a reason to give thanks. I have air to breathe. I have an office to work in. I have people who love me and people I get to love. When we are intentional to notice the gifts God gives, the good in life, the noticing begins to bring joy and balance. It does not take away the pain or make hard things not hard, but instead, it reminds us that there is more to life than just one thing.  We see a bigger picture when we give thanks. What can you give thanks for today? Can you make a list of 10 things? Maybe 20 or 40? Has God given you 100 things to be thankful for today? Notice, count them and give thanks.

Be connected to God

                As we pause, stay in the moment, and give thanks, we allow ourselves to connect with God. When we give thanks, we recognize God as the giver of all good gifts. We see His authority over our lives and know that He is in control.  Though we may try to, we cannot do life alone. We need God. We need a savior who loves and forgives, who heals and walks with us through life. We need to spend time with Him, to know Him and His word. We need to know His heart and His ways. We need His presence if we are to have peace.  

So, choose.

Choose to notice, stay in the moment, give thanks, and stay connected to God.

Choose the life you want. Choose to turn from anxiety, depression, & fear. Choose not to do life alone. Choose to get help if that is what you need, but choose. Do not let life happen to you. Choose what life you want and work for it.

And if you need a helping hand on that journey, let me know. I’d be glad to walk with you, encourage you, and help you slow down, notice, and connect with God.

Chandler Baggett Whitford is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor. She has been a therapist for over 5 years. She considers it a privilege to walk with people through life and encourage, uplift and help them grow. Schedule an appointment by calling or texting her at (252) 341-7365.

I love being a therapist for teachers. Teachers are amazing people who instill character, hope, peace, learning, and so much more into students’ lives.  Students are essential to the future of our country and our world, yet it is teachers that help shape them into who they will become. When I work with teachers, I get to see firsthand how much teachers care. Most teachers care significantly about their students and if their students succeed in school and life. Teachers love in ways that other people rarely have the opportunity. Teachers love their students in the everyday moments of handling stress and staying calm during chaos. Teachers meet students right where they are and help them become the best people they can be.

Teachers, this one is for you!

When I help a teacher, I know that I am supporting their students.

Teachers, you can only give what you have. It seems like a truly simple statement, but we often forget that people cannot provide what they do not have. You deal with stress every day and often need the support of others to provide continual aid to your students.

Where do you find this support?

I see teachers who, like you, find support in their peers, workplace, family, and friends, but teachers also find support in professionals who care for them.

Sometimes teachers need a therapist. It might be taboo, but I said it. Teachers need a therapist. Teachers frequently need more support than their school, family, and friends can offer. When a teacher craves more backup, it is there. Therapists like myself are willing and ready to help them carry their load.

And when teachers are cared for by caring professionals, students get cared for better.

Take a brief look at the skills teachers who go to therapy can bring into the classroom. People ask me all the time why did no one teach me this? Because your teachers did not know. Teachers need to discern how to balance the demanding needs of the classroom, individual students, curriculum, rules of the state, county, school, requests of the principal, and the list could go on seemingly forever. There is a lot to balance as a teacher, many things that few people notice or see. You do so much, often without even noticing! WAY TO GO!!

Teachers who demonstrate self-care can teach self-care.

Learning how to take care of oneself in such an environment is crucial. Sometimes in challenging environments, we all need a little support to de-stress, learn how to cope, or have someone on our side who will listen and understand. A teacher who knows this then can teach the balance of self-care to their students. Knowing when and how to reach out for this support makes one more likely to recognize when a student needs extra help. After realizing this, a teacher can either become that support, knowing they are not alone or point the student toward a counselor or other helping professional.  Who is your support system? Who is on your team? What are you doing to take care of yourself? Many teachers care so much about others that they have a hard time caring for themselves. Do you care for yourself the way you care for others?

Teachers who know self-control teach self-control.

Self-control is a challenge. Most people struggle with self-control on some level. Teachers who struggle with self-control may need someone to teach them skills to increase their awareness of their emotions, reactions, and impact on others. They also need someone to help them process and reflect on a situation and see how they could handle a similar situation differently in the future. Teachers have a heightened need for self-control because their students lack this control. Students are not known for being level-headed or thinking before they speak or act. Therefore, it is crucial that teachers have the ability not to respond but to pause, think then act. Teachers must teach them how to exercise self-control and why it is important. Teachers help these students in the moment of crisis. Counselors and parents can help the student later, but a teacher is often on the front lines. Remaining in control of oneself no matter what is the hallmark of a good teacher. You are a good teacher, so be a good teacher.

Teachers who know how to regulate themselves emotionally teach students to be emotionally regulated.

Emotional regulation is a large part of self-control, and it is not always easy. With lives of your own, you bring more to the classroom than a book or knowledge. You bring all of yourself. And sometimes that means you bring the stress of home life with you too. Knowing how to compartmentalize, or put something aside and focus on what is needed now, is a vital part of being a fantastic teacher – and a necessary part of being a functioning adult in the world. It is also something teachers at times are the ones to teach their students. Yet this can be a challenging task. Many of the stressors in our lives are very important and are hard to set aside. At times, a therapist is a needed outside person who can listen, validate emotions and be a sounding board, or let you know that you are not alone in all of the stress. When you have that support, you can be more fully present in your classroom.

Teachers who have a support system can be a support system for students in need.

You need a support system! You hopefully already have a support system, so I urge you to consider it now. Who can you freely talk to about what is happening in your classroom and with your students? Who listens and asks how it impacts you, your heart, your family, your life? If you do not consistently have that in your life, I want to invite you to find it. Call a friend, and ask to set a regular time to talk. Let your spouse or family know that you are intentionally taking time to reflect on your days. Set up an appointment with a good therapist and notice how it impacts your body, stress level, and mind when you take care of yourself for an hour. Breathe. You do not have to do this alone.

Tips for teachers

Mental health Support for teachers starting the school year

Plan well

Protect your me-time.

Build a relationship with a therapist BEFORE you need one

Build a gratitude list, look at it, and add to if often

Breathe – deeply and often

Connect with people who care about you

Sit or walk outside

Be utterly present right where you are

Speak kindly to yourself

Be with God

• 

Are you looking for a therapist to walk with you through the hard? My name is Chandler Baggett Whitford, M.A. LCMHC. I am a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor, and I would be honored to walk with you on your journey. Call today to set up a free inial consultation. (252)341-7365

In my last post, I talked about the need to slow down and we began looking at a few ways to not only slow down but reduce stress. Today I want to look at the next two things on our list, that will help us not only slow down but increase joy!

Cook a meal from scratch

Some people love to cook, other people find it a stressful or annoying chore. Whichever you are, if you take a moment and really do this right, I bet you will find that you have learned a lot, not just about cooking but also about yourself. However, there are a few things you must do to ensure that your cooking experience is helpful, not stressful to your everyday life.

                First, plan enough time to truly enjoy the experience. It’s not fun to rush and feel like you can’t get it all done on time. If the recipe says it will take 30 minutes to put together and 1 hour to cook, you need to plan more than 1.5 hours to have this meal ready, probably more like 2 or 2.5 hours to make sure you are calm and not feeling rushed.

                Next, make sure you have read the recipe and have all of the ingredients and tools necessary to make the said meal! There is nothing like getting halfway through and being frustrated that you can’t find your hand mixer and then remembering that you let your mom/ neighbor/ whoever borrow it and don’t have another. What’s that old saying?… “Failing to plan is planning to fail?” part of planning is preparing by making certain you have everything you need before you begin!

                Also, choose a good recipe. It can be new or old but for this exercise, I don’t want you to start with a lot of boxed things. SCRATCH is the keyword. There are times for throwing things together, and there are times for slowing down and appreciating every detail. How can we appreciate the details if someone else has “taken care of all the details” before we even begin? Part of this exercise is an exercise in noticing the small, the unseen, and spending time together. Are you making chicken nuggets and mac and cheese? Bread the nuggets yourself start with flour and egg, cut the chicken breast into pieces, slow down enough to notice what all goes into a meal. (I’m not saying you have to pluck the chicken, feel free to start with those on sale boneless skinless chicken breast.)

                Involve the whole family. Yes, it’s nice sometimes to have an afternoon in the kitchen alone, but sometimes you need to build relationships by doing something together. Not in a rush or a hurry not trying to get it all done perfectly, but spending time together creating something beautiful. Maybe you live alone and don’t have anyone to cook for regularly, it’s okay to cook a nice meal for yourself, you are worth taking care of, and treating well, but also don’t be afraid to invite a friend or family member over to do this together!

At the end of the day your goals are simple:

• Notice what goes into a nice meal or dish/desert
• Spend time together creating something you can then share
• Relieve, don’t create stress; slow down and enjoy time together
• Practice being in the here and now, fully present in the moment

Go for a family walk

Maybe you don’t have time to cook a meal, maybe you’re afraid it will end in too many arguments, or maybe (bonus points) you have time or opportunity to do both!

Take a walk as a family. Find 30 minutes and walk around your neighborhood or in the field behind your house. Find a space and walk. Go outside breathe the fresh air. Let the sunshine hot your face and take time to just be together. Talk about your day or what you have planned for tomorrow. Pray for the people in your neighborhood or your family. Be intentional to not rush through this one life you have.

Walking is good for our bodies, it gets us moving in a low-stress way, but it’s also good for our minds. We process and think differently when we are moving. There is something about the forward movement that helps our minds move forward as well.

This is also an exercise for the here and now, as you walk notice the things around you. What type of buildings or houses do you see? What kinds of birds, or flowers are there? What kind of gifts has God given you in this moment? Can you make a list of 50 things that God has given you on your walk?

• 1. Grass
  2. Shoes
  3. Socks
  4. Sidewalk
  5. Birds
  6. Purple flowers
  7. Rocks to kick
  8. Children laughing
  9. Neighbors
  10. Clothes
  11. A breeze across the face
  12. Sun shining bright
  13. Clouds

What’s on your list? Can you make one?

Slowing down takes being intentional wanting it more than you want to rush and get a million things done. Slowing down is a way of life and a choice to say no to the rush and the stress and a choice to say yes to living your one life well. Saying yes to spending time with your family and loved ones. Yes, to being right here right now and enjoying this moment. Loving people right where you are and sacrificing that extra hour of TV time, or scrolling to make more memories than you read about on Facebook.

Choose, choose for yourself today, who will you serve? What will you do? Will you rush through this life with stress and worry or will you slow down, trust God, and live in the moment? Will you see all that He has given you? Or will you worry about will he Keep providing tomorrow?

Join me in learning to trust the one who gives all good gifts!

If there is one thing COVID 19 has taught me it’s that you don’t know how busy you are until you stop. In the early days of COVID 19, there was much push to rush and figure out how to handle life differently. Then after we began to figure out pieces, we had a few weeks where we were home every night. I do not have the words to express how odd that felt. I cannot remember any time in my life previous where that had been the case. We spent more time at home than I ever had before. We spent time together, not busy doing something, but just being together. I will forever treasure that time.

But I will, and have done more than treasure that time, I have let that time teach me how to live differently. Those were the days before this private practice, those were days that taught me that I needed to slow down. Church work was slower, or maybe just different. I connected with people but we were not “doing” as much because we couldn’t gather in groups. We got the unwanted (or not so unwanted) opportunity to slow down.

SO why am I reminiscing on this? I think it tells us something about our society, and about our world. Statistics tell us that anxiety and depression rates are always raising and that the trauma experienced by people is at an all-time high. Might it have to do with the way we live our lives?

What are some practical things we can do differently to change the ever-increasing stress we place on ourselves, our children, and our world?

Below is a list, not an all inclusive list for sure, but a place to start, to remind ourselves to slow down and be in the moment enjoying life.

Don’t plan more than you can realistically do
Plan all the things that need to be done
Cook a meal from scratch
Go for a family walk
Plan free/ downtime
Plan time with friends
Put money into things that reduce, not increase, your stress
Recognize what you are trading off
Take time to do things that fuel and energize you
Be willing to make a change
Express thanksgiving for the gifts in your life

Over the next few weeks, I will take a closer look at these ideas and dive into how they can impact your life!

Today let’s take a look at two of these…

Don’t plan more than you can realistically do.

When we have more on our to-do list than can possibly be done, we invite stress, worry, and anxiety into our lives! We often then struggle with not feeling “good enough” or even depression related to self-worth when we don’t accomplish the impossible task we have set before us. Take a moment and look at your to-do list, jot down how long you expect each task to take. Then ask yourself, “Is this realistic?” and “Does that allow for something that does not go according to plan?” If my to-do list coming home from work looks like this…
Go grocery shopping (45 min. – 1 hr.)
Cook dinner (45 min.)
Do three loads of laundry (3 + hours)
Clean 2 bathrooms (45 min.)
Vacuum the house (30 min.)
Put kids to bead by 8

I might be over expecting.

If you get off work at 5 and have to have the kids to bed by 8, it’s simply unrealistic to think that you can do everything on that list.

While everyone’s list is different, we can all fall into the trap of expecting more of ourselves than we can actually do.

So how do you fix it?

First, it’s helpful to prioritize your list. What’s most important? What needs to be done today and what can wait until tomorrow?

Then consider, are there things on your list that may not need to be done at all? Or is there something someone else can take off your plate? Can your 16-year-old start dinner? Pull something out of the freezer? Make your life easier?

Then, sometimes we have the opposite problem (or both of these)
We seem to have a manageable to-do list but are completely frustrated when we can’t get it done. We may need to recognize that we need to Plan everything that needs to be done. If we stop and ask ourselves to look and see why we may realize that we did a lot of things that were not on the list!

If we chop down our list to be manageable and still can’t get it all done, we may need to look at if we did things we never put on our list! We may have gotten more done than we thought, (just not the things we wanted or expected to get done).

If we trim our list to:

Cook dinner (from the pantry)
Do one load of laundry
Clean one bathroom
Sweep by the door
Put the kids to bed by eight

This seems much more manageable, however, we may get home and our evening goes like this:
Walk in the door and have two kids who still have homework not done, one of which can’t get their computer to work. The internet is out and needs to be rebooted, and your husband (or wife) needs a certain set of clothes for tomorrow that are at the bottom of the dirty clothes pile. The trash needed to be taken out and the fridge needed to be cleaned out (or all the old food will sit there another week).

While some of these things are completely beyond our control, others of these things we can learn to expect (and therefore plan into our day). What are the things that we could have seen coming?
Kids needing help with homework
Clothes needing to be washed
Trash night (and cleaning out the fridge)

When we plan those things into our schedule, we may realize that tonight isn’t the night to try and clean the bathroom. That can be planned to wait for another time.
And for those many things that we can’t control (and times we just don’t get it all right), offer yourself (and those around you) grace.

By the end of the night we may have done a load of laundry, and still not have the clothes we wanted clean. The bathroom may still be dirty, and there may be mud on the floor by the door. But in those moments can we give ourselves the grace to know it will be okay?
Tomorrow is a new day. If you need to get up 30 minutes earlier or leave clothes drying in the dryer when you go to sleep, it’s okay. Breathe, and most importantly know that your worth is not found in what you do, it’s found in being made in the image of the Almighty God.

And if from this post you somehow think I’ve got it all together, please know that I’m preaching to myself just as much as I am sharing this with you. We don’t have it all together, but the beauty of the Gospel is that God loves us in the midst of our chaos, and never says that we are worth less because we don’t have the picture-perfect life. And maybe sometime you will turn around and realize that you are living the abundant life, right here right now, even though all the imperfections. You are loved and known by the God of the universe, and that’s enough.

So often in life, I hear people say I can’t, or even worse I couldn’t. Many things in life are outside of our control. Part of my job as a therapist is to aid my client’s in identifying what is or is not within their control. It seems rather simple, most major things in life really are. But simple doesn’t mean easy. Part of knowing what is (or is not) within your control is knowing that the things you can control are choices that you make. We all make choices. My friend’s four-year-old chooses either to stand in time-out or to scream and holler. I choose things every day. I choose what to eat, and what to wear. I choose where I spend my time. I also choose to respect the choices of others. God created us with free will. He gave us both the authority and responsibility to make choices for our own lives. What choices we make are in the end up to us.

As a therapist, my job is not to judge your choices. My job is however to help you in making choices. How do I do that you may ask? Let me tell you…

First, I help you assess what your choices are. Many times, we fail to notice an option we have on the table. Initially, you may believe that you only have two choices, my role is to help you see options that sit in your blind spot. Someone may tell me that their boss or teacher has asked them a question and they immediately respond with a yes or a no. I may ask, “Is it possible that instead of yes or no you could ask, ‘could I have some time to think on that, and get back to you tomorrow?'” Therefore there is now a third option to consider. Sometimes the options may be to not answer at all or to just get up and do what has been asked of you. Not every option is a good option, but recognizing that they are all options helps us later when we have to stand by the choice we have made.

Then, I help you to assess your options. Are there things that you can easily “take off the table”? Are there things that you would like to do but are not realistic or feasible? I also help my clients identify what the possible outcomes or consequences are for each option. For every yes there is a no. For each option what would the no be? Which option aligns more with your values? Who are you and who do you want to be?

If my dilemma is about dinner, I may have several options.
Option 1 – cook Option 2 – eat out Option 3 – don’t eat dinner.
If I choose to cook, I need to know what I have at home, will I need to go to the grocery store? How much time do I have, how long will it take? If I choose to go out to eat, I have to consider how much more will that cost? Will I be able to find healthy food where I am going? How will I feel physically afterward if I choose to eat processed foods? Is it worth it? If I don’t eat dinner will I be “hangery?” Will I be able to complete my evening activities in a way that I am pleased with? Will I be even more hungry in the morning? Even “simple” choices can be filled with things to consider that will impact us much beyond the moment we make the choice. This is not, nor does it need to be an exhaustive list of my options for dinner, but an example of how the choices I make can impact how I live my life. And that I alone get to take responsibility for not only the choice but the outcome. If I choose not to eat and therefore become cranky, it is indeed my fault that I am irritable, I cannot rightfully blame those around me.

Next, we can together assess how certain options align with your values and sense of self. This bears the question, “will I be okay with this decision tomorrow?” We each hold different values and they play out in our lives in many ways. Not everyone has the same values, and that’s okay. One of my values is respecting people and the work they do. Therefore, this plays out in my choices. I choose to consider this when I choose what restaurant to eat at, or which clothing to buy. I would rather be a patron at a restaurant that pays their employees well than one that makes them work primarily for tips. This isn’t everyone’s value, and that is okay. However, when I choose to go to a restaurant that may cost more because they pay their people differently, I may pay a higher price for my food. When I begin weighing that into my decision I then have to decide which value matters more? Saving money or paying people well for their time and work? So often we make decisions so quickly off of our “gut” but we feel guilt when our choices do not properly align with our values. My job is to help you assess your values and your choices and see if they align.

Finally, you make your choice. So many people struggle with making and following through with their choices, they struggle to please others or to know what is the “right” answer. Sometimes there is a right or a wrong choice, but more frequently there are options that are neither right nor wrong. There are simply choices one gets to make.
What choices have you had to make lately? Do you feel good about those choices?
It’s not a choice I have to live with. It’s not my life, it’s not my choice. NO one else gets to tell you how you should live your life.

My goal is to continually empower my clients to become who they are, who God created them to be. But I will not be held accountable for your choices. I am only held accountable for my choices. Therefore, I refuse to make choices for other people. I will stand behind you and the choices you make, I will offer support, and even remind you of why you made the choice you did. I will not however judge you or tell you what to do.

Next time you have a choice to make, be it big or little take a breath and remember these questions

1) What are my options?
2) What are the pros and cons of each option? What would the possible outcomes of each option be?
3) Which options align with my values, and who I am?
4) What is my choice?

Is there a big choice coming up in your life? If you need some help processing what your options may be or what the consequences or values that align with those options are feel free to give me a call. I’d be glad to help.

I am frequently asked, especially by others in my field about my therapeutic approach. I often respond simply by saying that I am eclectic, utilizing various approaches at various times, but my husband says it so much better.

So I welcome to my blog today, Rev. Jonathan Whitford…

A guest post by Jonathan Whitford

Being married to a therapist and having several counseling classes myself while in divinity school, there are times where Chandler and I talk about how each of us interacts with people and how we help others. For me to hear the stories Chandler has told me on occasion and how she approaches people and ministry, I cannot help but think of Paul, and when he was starting the Church in Philipi.

I say this because Chandler has shared with me the different ways to interact therapeutically. From Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Psychodynamic, Play Therapy, Mindfulness, etc.

The idea is that when a therapist works with his or her clients, each client may need a different therapeutic process. An approach that works for one adult may or may not work the same for the next, and even more especially for children who do well with Play Therapy. While I don’t know the ins and outs of any of her cases I hear much about the therapeutic process and approaches she uses.

I cannot help but listen in amazement for how much she can do what Paul does in Acts 16 as she interacts with her clients.

In Acts, Paul is presented with three individuals with who he gets to share the good news of Jesus – Lydia, a demon-possessed slave girl, and a jailer who mistreated Paul and Silas in prison. Paul distinctly shares Jesus with them in three completely different ways.

For Lydia, she was a transplant who was doing very well for herself and gathered with other women who worshiped God (God-fearers). Paul met with them and appealed to her intellect in sharing Jesus.

The demon-possessed slave girl, Paul demonstrated the power of the Holy Spirit commanded the demon to come out of her and it instantly left her.

Then the Roman jailer, he experienced Christ when even Paul and Silas had the chance to escape, all of the prisoners stayed singing and praising God. And just as the jailer thought he had lost all of his prisoners and was about to commit suicide, Paul stopped him and told him they were all there. The Jailer then believed and his entire household.

Each of these individuals were introduced to Jesus in different manners but still had begun their life with the same amazing savior we follow today.

It is in the work of counseling and therapy, that the goal is to journey to a place of wholeness, each one’s journey will look different than that of someone else. Though on different journeys each person strives to get to a place of being made whole.

That is what I see that is so special in the ministry that Chandler provides. She does not make everyone fit a single “cookie-cutter shaped” process of counseling, rather she truly and passionately cares about each client and tailors her work to what he or she needs.

Chandler is ready to talk through the tough and hard stuff, while talking or playing with play dough, through meditation or coloring. She knows how to sit with each client, and be like Paul,  walk beside them, and helping them get to a place of wholeness in a way that is specifically designed for them.

She never applies a one size fits all approach to therapy, she finds which approach will work best for each client and will research and seek out whatever it is that a client needs. Chandler is committed to being there for however long the process takes. From three months to three years. She is willing to be there for you and the journey ahead.

Counseling can sometimes hold a stigma of being a place where “they try to fix you.” But that is the furthest thing from her approach and how Chandler works with her clients. The work that happens is a sacred place of journeying from a place of hurt, grief, sadness, bitterness, trauma, or any other situation – into a place of wholeness and healing.

How many of us worry? How many of us feel the racing heart of anxiety and stress and needing to do but never having enough time.

I do. I’m sure at some points you do too. It’s a modern mystery how we can have so much to do and so little time to do it.

I’ve found, ironically enough, that some part of the solution to having to much to do and not enough time is in slowing down. Ann Voskamp, writes in her book One Thousand Gifts, about slowing down time by focusing the weight of your attention all in the present moment. “This is where God is. In the present. I AM – His very name. I want to take my shoes off. I AM, so full of the weight of the present, that time’s river slows to a still…and God Himself is timeless.” Being fully present in any moment helps us know the fullness of God. She writes of giving thanks for the gifts God gives in each moment, but we cannot be thankful if we don’t first notice.

When we slow down to notice, take the time to be mindful and fully present in each moment. Meditation.

There are many ways in which one can do this…

As a Christian who practices meditation and other mindfulness practices sometimes I get weird looks. And to be honest when I was first introduced to these things I was wary. VERY WARY. I was the one giving the weird looks.

I had heard my fair share of comments about an idle mind being the devil’s playground and how yoga was paganistic and evil. I was very cautious about unfamiliar spiritual things, and I really needed to understand before being willing to watch or participate in some things. To be completely honest, when I engage in meditation and other mindfulness practices I am still very careful in who leads those exercises and how they are done.

Growing up as a pastor’s kid I have always been aware of the spiritual world. I know that demons are real and that the devil is seeking to destroy all of those who love God, especially those doing His work. I respect the power of the spiritual, but I know the Holy Spirit who dwells within me is infinitely more powerful than any demons or principalities of the air.

I once heard someone speak about yoga, and they described it as clearing your mind and opening it to whatever may come. So I began to wonder, (and I’m sure I’m not the only one) how you can open your mind, clear your mind and expect that the results are not inviting to the evil one.

About three years ago now I met a Christian man who looked at meditation and other similar practices in a very different light. He taught me that meditating did not mean that you stop filtering what you let enter your mind. He taught me that there are many spiritual benefits that I lose out on if I close the door on a whole host of practices just because I don’t understand them, or because I am afraid of them. So here is what I’ve learned, and it has taught me about much more than what it means to meditate.

Every part of life can be used for good or evil. The practices themselves are not inherently evil, or good. It is how you use them. Meditation is a type of prayer, a way to spend time with God. To take a deep breath and to pause is a gift God gives. We pray while walking, sitting, kneeling, driving,… We can pray anywhere. But there is something different about being intentional to set aside time to only pray. Deep breathing reminds us that He is the breath of life. The intentional calm is a choice to turn away from the busyness and chaos of this world and choose to listen to the voice of God.

In all things, I choose to set my mind on God or on things that are not of God. I can do that while meditating, I can do that while going to the grocery store. There was a song that was sung when I was little, it went something like this:

Oh, be careful little eyes what you see,

Oh be careful little eyes what you see

For the father up above is looking down in love

Oh be careful little eyes what you see.

Oh be careful little ears what you hear….

Oh be careful little tongue what you say….

Oh be careful little hands what you do….

Oh be careful little feet where you go….

Oh be careful little heart whom you trust….

Oh be careful little mind what you think…

We must be careful what we let into our hearts and into our minds. We must be careful what we see, what we say, what we do. It seems so much harder now with technology bringing everything to one’s fingertips, the busyness and the ability to be introduced to a million things without even leaving my seat is overwhelming. It is much more challenging to control and what you do and do not think about, worry about, or even become aware of.

I have learned there is a benefit to stopping to pausing for a few moments. It reduces anxiety and it helps me to connect with my friend Jesus. It reminds me that I don’t have to run through life moving a million miles an hour just trying to see what all I can get done.

Meditation reminds me that people are not interruptions. It helps me keep my priorities straight. It provides a space in my day for remembering. For being reminded that God’s ways are not the ways of the world, but his ways are often backward from what we deem logical.

Meditation focuses my heart on following Jesus all the day long. It reminds me that I am not alone. I feel His presence when I seek it. God is always there, but I am not always aware of God’s presence. I am not always paying attention. Taking a few moments to notice and be intentional to spend time with Him reminds me of HIs presence.

Since I have incorporated this practice into my life I have seen and experienced a new side of God. I have also realized that there were many times when I did things that fell into this category unknowingly.

I want to encourage you to find new ways to connect with God. I promise it will be worth it.

If you would like to find out more about meditation, and some of the various exercises that fit into that category feel free to follow the link below and read the mindfulness page on my website.

https://cbwcounseling.com/mindfulness/

For the past few years, I having been working as a counselor at a local group practice. I am so grateful for them and all they have done for me.

But many have asked me now, so why leave?

I never set out to own a private practice. Business was not what I went to school for.

Before COVID-19 hit I was working long days and seeing as many clients as I could schedule. Then came COVID-19, and I had little to no margin of extra to give. And I had to move everything to online treatment.

Through this process I have spent a lot of time in prayer, calling out to God and letting Him know all of my concerns about work. I had begun working on a book and hadn’t had much time to write, and I had tried to be intentional to pray for my clients and to care for them the best I could but I was just empty.

I felt God leading me to take a step back, to intentionally limit the number of people I would see so that I could care for myself and my clients in more holistic ways. I knew God was calling me to be filled so that I could be completely present and available for the people I sit with on a daily basis.

But God, how do I pay my bills if I don’t see all these people? I began to ask God the practical questions of life, and in a way that only God can, He answered.

Part of that answer involves the clients I take on.

If you were to sit down with me for a (free) initial consultation, you would find that I see counseling as a commitment not only for me but also for each client. I see counseling not only as a way to alleviate unwanted symptoms but as much more, as a way to let God work in us and change us more into His image. Counseling is a commitment to growth. Therefore my clients sign a three-month contract, agreeing to come weekly or bi-weekly and have made the choice to make growing in their interpersonal relationship a priority. Every three months we will sit back and evaluate how they have grown and if this is still a priority to them. My prayer is that through doing things differently my clients are able to do more than minimize the impact of anxiety or depression on their life but they are also able to understand the root of the problem and see God do miraculous things in their life. I know that God works in and through us when we ask HIm to and when we give him the control and space to do so in our lives.

Counseling is a choice to grow, to let the uncomfortable move us forward in life in such a way that when we look back that uncomfortable thing is one of the best things that could have been there because it made us better people. Thus, counseling is a commitment, and will not fulfill it’s purpose in one’s life if it’s done haphazardly. We have to make time for it in our schedules, in our finances, and in our lives, if it will be the transforming force it can be.

This can be hard, but hard things are worth doing!

Maybe you are reading this blog because you know me. Maybe someone suggested me as a counselor to you. Maybe you just found me on google or Facebook.

I’m glad you are here.

I hope that in some way God will use me to inspire, to uplift, and to let you know that you are not alone.

If there is anything I can do for you, reach out, let me know. Maybe you just want to talk. Maybe something really hard is happening in life, I’d be honored to sit with you through the pain.

I hope that I’ve answered some questions, and maybe I’ve raised a few also.